Something I didn’t fully come to the realization with until after it subsided, was that I suffered with some postpartum anxiety.
I chalked many of my behaviours and feelings up to being a new Mom, not getting maternity leave, and learning that my Mom had terminal cancer when Rowynne was 5 months old.
It just made sense at the time that I should be feeling overwhelmed.
I rationalized the fact that many Moms were suffering way harder than me, so there was no need to bring attention to it.
It wasn’t until I got on the other side of it that I had 20/20 vision, and things clicked.
Here is how my anxiety after childbirth manifested itself:
- The pure panic when Rowynne wasn’t on her nap schedule
- The avoidance of things that would interrupt her nap schedule
- The anxiety that would set in when she woke from her nap early and I barely got time to have a tea, let alone get my work done
- The urgency to get home when I went out on my own & the inability to enjoy my time
- The overwhelming feeling of needing to be in a million places at once
- And my racing heart during the colic months
Then you layer on the Mom-Guilt with things like:
- Feeling bad about things like your beautiful daughter waking up early from a nap
- Feeling bad about wanting to work and enjoying your time while there
- Feeling bad that you want some time alone or you’re going to scream
- Feeling bad that you don’t enjoy all the Mommy-and-Me programs like the others do
- Feeling bad that you never took the time to make a “baby’s first book”
- Feeling bad and insulted because your in-laws are judging you because you parent differently than them
All of these things have definitely softened over the almost 3 years I’ve been a Mom, but they are still something I’m working through some days.
To be honest, I think as a Mom I always will to a certain degree.
I open up about this in more detail on an episode of That Badass Podcast I did recently with Lisa Hicks, who suffered with postpartum depression and Mom guilt.
You can learn the strategies and stats on how we worked through our personal struggles HERE.
But before that, I’d love to hear from you….
Have you suffered with postpartum depression or anxiety?
Do you struggle with Mom-guilt?
How does that look for you?
You’re not alone.
With love,
Ash xo
